Let's face it: basically everyone's old Myspace profiles are mega-embarrassing. The embarrassment only gets worse if you happen to be one of the lucky few to reach celebrity status before deleting your MySpace! Abandoned celebrity MySpace profiles take the world back to a time when society's favorite celebs were just as weird, goofy, and random as the rest of the population. Whenever you need a good laugh, peep these throwback Myspace profiles of some of today's biggest stars. The embarrassment is real.
Cringey Celebrity Myspace Profiles That Are Still Out There,
Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian is a bonafide celebrity now, but in the early 2000s she was just a girl who loved all things pink and princess-themed. Her Myspace URL (/kimsaprincess), her username (Princess Kimberly), and her quote ("I'm a princess and you're not so there!") prove it. Kim was also a fan of Comic Sans MS, had Ray J in her Top 8, and used Pimp-My-Profile.com to pink-ify her page. We wonder what Kanye would've thought?
Taylor Swift
Taylor Swift's old Myspace profile is refreshingly real; she could've been just another one of your Top 8 BFFs in high school. Besides a handful of first-gen selfies with serious "Myspace angles," Swift was a hardcore commenter on other people's pages. The most embarrassing/amazing comment? “I read your complaining comment about how your not on abilgails top 8. well, how could you be? I’M THERE. TAKING YOUR SPOT HAHAHAHA (evil laugh, you know the drill). Well, anyway, listen my queer fellow, I thinketh we shall hangeth out sometime soon, eh? yes yes, i do believe i am growing fond of this idea. drive over in your sex van and come pick me up. farewell knave.” So. Much. Goodness.
Tom Hardy
Tom Hardy was the Selfie King of Myspace back in the day—his page was chock-full of semi-nude photos with amazing captions like, "x i’m cooking a turkey yo x x." His profile stated he was on Myspace to find "serious relationships, friends, and networking" but his About Me section surely scared off any potential interests: "My head is like a dangerous neighbourhood I should never be in it without an appropriate adult. Left to my own devices I’ll crash the motor." The page, sadly, has been deleted.
Katy Perry
Katy Perry: so cool now, so embarrassing then. Her Myspace bio used to read, "Ya know it’s hard out thur 4 a pimp," and she spelled her location, Beverly Hills, as "Beverly Hillz"...yes, with a "z."
The best part was probably the "Things To Know" section, were Katy Kat told us all of the things she's a "big fan" of (including garage sales, mini golf, thrift stores, and weekend trips) as well as the fact that she played BOTH acoustic and electric guitar, but didn't "wanna come off as a snob about it."
Nicki Minaj
Nicki Minaj's style has gotten a serious upgrade since her Myspace days. Her old profile was incredibly pink and wallpapered with polaroid-style photos of Minaj in truly unfortunate outfits.
Kesha
Bow down to 2008 Kesha. The girl's Myspace page is gold! Here are the best gems:
Sounds Like: "god having an orgasm"
Record Label: "ur mom"
About Kesha: "I sometimes wish I was a man...it's all about the bjs and trash stache. Mick Jagger might be my dad. My music is rad. I'm f*cking rad. I'm taking over. Got a bullet with your name on it. $$$$$$"
Aubrey Plaza
The best part about Aubrey Plaza's old Myspace page? It proves she hasn't changed a bit. Her About Me section says, "I am also an old hag that lurks in caves and your dreams," and she mentions she'd like to meet "Judy Garland, a real hag." She just loves the word hag—and still does—and we love her for it.
Kendall
Kendall Jenner is an international model, muse, and all-around cool girl. What would her devoted following of fashion girls think about her old Myspace profile??? It was anything but chic, with a thermal-filtered profile pic and a cringe-worthy URL: /horsegirlkj. Horsegirl??? HORSEGIRL???
Lana Del Rey
Before she was Lana Del Rey, Lana Del Ray was Lizzie Grant: a girl with a dream and a Myspace music page. She made a few rookie mistakes, like making her username and personal quote both "Lizzie Grant." Among her interests she lists poison, motorcycles, Britney Spears, and morphine. So Lana.
Harry Styles
Harry Styles was just a baby when Myspace was all the rage. His profile was so innocent: his main picture was him and his parents, and he said the person he'd most like to meet is "SUPERMAN!!!" Heart = melted.